


Nothing Gold Can Stay

by AnnyFay



Series: Wastelands [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Hurt No Comfort, Implied Simi, M/M, Post-Hungarian GP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-17 22:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11860884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnyFay/pseuds/AnnyFay
Summary: Nico is throwing a barbecue at his holiday home. Lewis enjoys the idea of spending time with the only thing he will never have.





	Nothing Gold Can Stay

**Author's Note:**

> Hey,  
> First time writing for a challenge. Also first time writing a Nico/Lewis fic (I don't even know how the pairing is called, sorry).  
> A lot of angst, a bit of fluffiness and that's pretty much it.
> 
> The words I was given were:  
> -Barbecue  
> -Light  
> -Naked  
> -Watermelon  
> -Sunburn
> 
> At first, I was going to write only this oneshot, but I found it too depressing and I couldn't emphasize all the words like I wanted to, so there is a Simi spin-off to lift our spirits.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it~

 Lewis is still staring at the notification that popped up on his phone. There must have been a mistake. He must have checked the wrong name and sent it to Lewis. It does not make any sense.

_Hey! I was hoping you could join us for a barbecue this holiday at my house in Ibiza. All the coolest guys on the grid will be there haha jk_

Lewis knows how Nico texts when he is drunk and it is not like that. It is a confusion of German, English and Spanish words because he is never tired of showing off.

As if it weren't enough for Lewis' sanity - considering the last race and the noble act that may have cost him his fourth title -, Nico sends another message:

_And it will last the whole weekend, so bring a suitcase._

Lewis managed to get dismissed from the tests in Hungary. He was looking forward to getting away from every headline exposing his deed as a demonstration of team play, from the inevitable expectation of what is about to come once the second part of the season starts.

But Nico is constantly reading his mind and this barbecue seems to be the epitome of what Lewis' inferno looks like.

He throws a few items into his travelling bag and calls a taxi to the airport.

 

* * *

 

This is such a hideous idea.

There is no one, absolutely no one he can talk to. He enjoys having a chit chat with Daniel and maybe Valtteri, but it only lasts a drink or two. Lewis looks evasively at Sebastian. They were really good friends until Baku, and since then they haven't exactly been able to see eye to eye anymore.

Then there is Nico, who is being a proper host and doesn't stay in the same spot for too long. He didn't even have time to greet Lewis yet - or so the Englishman likes to think.

The house is huge, white and obsolete. The pool sits right on its side, bordered by dozens of deck chairs occupied by drivers who on any other occasion would be at each other's throats, but instead are pushing one another into the pool and laughing like they've been good mates for ages. Daniel is not pissed off with Max anymore, and Hulkenberg is probably less angry at Kevin - even though they agreed on maintaining a safe distance from each other.

He feels a tickle under his ribs and turns back only to find Sebastian eyeing him with a wary, sort of funny expression on his face.

"Didn't think I would see you here."

"Neither did I." Lewis sighs. He looks at the vastness beyond Nico's mansion wondering how the other could simply give up like that. What could be more important than defending the thing he has fought his whole life to obtain?

Lewis will never understand.

"Everything alright?" Sebastian's voice rescues him from the pit of his mind.

The Englishman cringes. There is no way he is going to open up to Seb. Not at all.

"Have you ever felt relieved because it's summer break?" The words slip from his mouth. 

"Of course. Who doesn't?" Sebastian gives him an eerie smile.

"No, I mean… like you were just about to have an outburst, but then it's all over and you feel… free?"

Lewis is exposing his constant feeling of imprisonment to a rival who is currently leading the championship that should be his since Nico is gone. Great plan.

"I guess you didn't mean to have this conversation with me." Sebastian frowns at him, looking away for an instant at the crowd gathered around the barbecue. "He's over there. You two should talk."

"What? No, I…"

"C'mon, Lewis. You're lurking around like a ghost. Nico won't bite. Unless you ask."

The red-faced Englishman excuses himself to go grab a drink before things get too complicated.

 

The Sun starts to set down on the horizon. No one, however, seems to be aware of that. Most of the drivers are tripping over their own feet, yet denying being drunk. Lewis grew a pair and decided to join the sober ones still discussing not so interesting - or not even intelligible - subjects.

Nico is telling stories about their time in Formula A. Lewis nods in agreement when necessary, but their interaction goes no further than that.

Reliving moments. This is all he will ever get.

Eventually, one by one, the guests start to retreat to their designated bedrooms. Lewis is still uncertain whether to stick around or just leave, catch a night flight back to Monaco and forget this ever happened. Nico, however, seems to be once again inside his head and quickly responds to his inner doubts.

"Second floor. The second room on the right."

Lewis doesn't like being told what to do, yet he follows the instructions. The stairs in the middle of the entrance have marble steps, much to Lewis' amusement. He didn't take Nico for the glamorous, less modern type. Going into the bedroom, the style is pretty much equivalent: a large, round bed at the centre, a fluffy carpet covering the floor. There are windows everywhere, huge glass walls leading to a wide balcony facing the yard they spent the day in.

Lewis knows, no matter how big the house is, there cannot be enough rooms like that one for each driver. It makes no sense he would get to stay there. He turns back, convinced he must have misunderstood the given directions. Nico is at the threshold; arms crossed and a defiant smile on his face.

"I guess this is not my room," Lewis mutters.

"This is definitely your room." The blond replies, coming closer with cautious steps. "I wanted to talk."

The Englishman takes a deep breath.

"I don't know, man. I had one too many cocktails and I'm a bit tired."

Nico instinctively reaches out to his hand, entangling their fingers. Lewis doesn't move.

"Please."

They have locked eyes so many times before; most recently, when they were on the podium. Sometimes Lewis looked down at him, sometimes he looked up. Those silent moments of devotion were their true battle against each other.

Nico takes advantage of Lewis' brief weakening to guide him to the bed. They sit on its edge, knees pressed together.

"I miss you. I miss the old days in Kart Racing and the nights we spent dreaming of becoming world champions. Now that it happened, I just wish we could go back in time."

Lewis blames it on the alcohol. He is too damn sensitive to deal with memories of a simpler time; the lost years, the vanishing of passionate moments.

"Have you just gone full Gatsby? Throwing huge parties to get the attention of your lover?"

Nico gives him a wry grin, the previous sorrow overshadowed for a moment.

"So you're my lover?"

"Ex-lover," Lewis smirks.

Nico raises one eyebrow. There is once again that poignant gloom on his face. He wonders how many times they will have to break each other's heart until nothing is left to mend.

"I can't remember when it ended," Nico whispers hoarsely.

"It ended in Spain, and then Austria… and Malaysia and Abu Dhabi." Lewis ignores the sudden tightening of Nico's fingers around his own. "When we were alone and all I could think of was punching your pretty face instead of kissing you… that's when it ended."

There is an atmosphere of mutual resentment; a worn and tasteless melancholy filling the gaps left by incomplete statements. They still fear intimacy, but solely because it hurt too damn much becoming strangers after knowing each other for years.

"I'm sorry you felt that way. You seem to be handling your friendship with teammates more easily now." Nico is not jealous, he could never be. However, frustration is certainly something he had a hard time dealing with.

Lewis draws his eyes down to their hands resting together. He opens his mouth, but the words dawdle through his throat.

"It would never be this way with you. I knew before anyone else you intended on retiring after winning your first title. That's why I needed to make it impossible. It took away everything we ever had, but at least kept you around."

"I'm still around, you know," Nico mutters, seeking solace in those sentences – he finds none.

"But we lost it. I messed things up with my selfishness."

Nico leans closer, foreheads almost touching.

"You did."

Lewis is tired of making the wrong decisions. He promises this will be his last.

Their mouths snap into each other, the hands of the Englishman holding tightly the fabric of Nico's unbuttoned shirt. It is quite unexpected how their bodies respond to one another after so long; how Lewis grasps his waist, lips descending to the curve of his neck and tarrying there. Nico shivers, giving in to the instincts he buried within remnants of his youth.

They fall onto the mattress, mouths colliding occasionally and hands stroking the naked skin begging to be touched – Lewis doesn’t want to call it an abstinence crisis, but hell it is.

He breathes in the scent of Nico’s cologne from the pillows. There is a sweeter perfume he can’t identify. Then it hits him.

It’s Vivian’s perfume.

Lewis pulls back for a moment, mind wandering somewhere else. There is a constant ache he has never come to fully understand, but now it is clear: They grew apart; it is an idle effort trying to repair the damage. They will never be able to fit old feelings into their new lives.

"What's wrong?" Nico asks.

The Englishman wishes he could be that naïve.

The blond is all about forgiveness and leaving the past behind, but Lewis doesn't believe it is possible to erase all mistakes, let alone ignore them. If only he could open the German's eyes to the fact they loved each other a lifetime ago, and feelings do have an expiry date.

Yet, however Nico seems to idealize them, Lewis is not prepared to bring them back to the real world.

"Nothing." He whispers in response, bringing their lips together one more time so that the other doesn't notice the wretchedness in his eyes.

That moment of hesitation ignites an unwanted need to cast their minds back to the last time they slept together, but Lewis can't remember when it happened. Maybe because it didn't feel like the end back then.

He will remember that night as a pile of clothes lying on the floor and a sultry breeze filling the bedroom.

 

* * *

 

 

Lewis lies flat on his back, breathing in and out steadily. Maturity certainly brings something extra to the table.

They quietly wait until dawn when a blaze of sunlight invades the room. Lewis is uncertain whether he fell asleep or not. He feels the blond's naked body pressed against his own, and, no matter how long they've been drowned in silence, their thoughts have never been so loud.

_Nico must be regretting all of it. It was a mistake coming to this fucking stupid barbecue. I fucked up in Hungary. I fucked up everything. I love him so damn much; God, how could I be so blind?_

Lewis turns to face him, fingers running through the tousled golden locks.

“What were you thinking? You’re married now. You have a family.”

“And I love them.” Nico watches as the other’s consternated look disintegrates into a more resigned one. “But you are something else that I also love, and I’m constantly drawn back to you… to us.”

Lewis knows how it feels. He rues letting Nico veer away while he had a bit of fun with Nicole. They need time to fix all of it, but there is none.

Nico doesn't enjoy too much silence. He loved being able to talk with Lewis for hours uninterruptedly, going all night between soft kisses and uncertain promises. Those past years have been a collection of embarrassing moments of complete quietness when they find themselves alone.

Summer break won’t last forever, neither will they. It is better to leave now with a broken heart than to nurture a permanent scar.

"Thanks for coming." Nico sounds unsympathetic, but his fingers stroke the skin of Lewis' neck and chest tirelessly and there is even a moment of sudden weakness when he ponders kissing him one last time because it is always the end until they meet again.

But Lewis is quicker and wiser. He gets out of bed and leaves with the blond's tender touch still lingering throughout his body.

It must be about ten in the morning. There are some people stumbling across the hallways, some already roasting under the sun around the pool. Sebastian is pampering a grumpy Kimi with sunburns on the face and arms in the backyard. Nothing has changed in the outside world apparently.

They keep running away from goodbyes, keep crashing into each other's life like magnets, and, likewise, there is a part of one which repels the other. Lewis has all the wrong reasons to leave it that way once again. Yet, it is easier to deal with something messed up by messing it a little bit more.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by Robert Frost's poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay".


End file.
